There was a time in America when character counted more than wealth, when a handshake sealed an agreement, and when neighbors—even those who disagreed—still shared a table and broke bread together. Somewhere along the way, we have lost much of that. Civility, compassion, and common sense, once the bedrock of our communities, have been pushed aside in favor of louder voices, harsher rhetoric, and a growing unwillingness to listen.
I know this not only from watching today’s headlines but from living a life shaped by both hardship and hope. In my autobiography, A Lot of People Slept Here, I recount my journey from a poor farming family of fourteen, through thirty-five years of federal service, to raising three children alone. If there is one truth I’ve learned, it is this: values are what sustain us when everything else falls apart.
A Childhood of Contrasts
I grew up in a household where the contrasts were stark. My father was a tenant farmer who, like his ten siblings, never went beyond middle school. My mother, by contrast, came from a middle-class background and valued education above all else. Between them, I was given a front-row seat to two different worlds: one of scraping by, and one of striving for better.
What held our large family together was not money but values—respect for others, a sense of duty, and the unwritten rule that you treated people as you wished to be treated. These weren’t abstract ideals; they were survival tools. When you live with fourteen under one roof, civility isn’t optional. Compassion isn’t weakness—it’s how you endure. And common sense is what keeps the peace.
The Civil Service Years
Later in life, I served thirty-five years as a federal civil servant. Rising through the ranks, I saw firsthand how government really works. It wasn’t perfect—far from it. Bureaucracy often stood in the way, and politics could be brutal. Yet in the best moments, I saw people from different backgrounds, different parties, and different beliefs work together for the common good.
What made those moments possible wasn’t ideology, but civility. I watched how a calm word defused a heated debate. I witnessed how compassion for struggling families reshaped policy discussions. And I learned how common sense, though not always common, often cut through the noise better than any grand speech.
These lessons weren’t confined to government—they applied to life itself.
Raising Children Alone
When my marriage ended, I found myself the sole parent of three children, ages one, three, and five. That season of my life became another test of values. Raising children alone while working full time was exhausting, but it also made me sharper, more patient, and more reliant on those same principles I had carried since childhood.
Civility in our home meant respect for one another’s voices, even when little ones had big feelings. Compassion meant listening to my children’s hurts and fears while carrying my own. And common sense meant balancing the checkbook, the bedtime routine, and the long view of how to raise good people.
Looking back, I see that these three values—civility, compassion, and common sense—were not luxuries. They were lifelines.
What America Needs Now
Today, America feels fractured in ways that worry me deeply. Neighbors are divided not just by politics, but by an unwillingness even to hear each other out. Social media rewards cruelty over kindness. Common sense is often drowned out by noise.
But I believe we can reclaim what has been lost. Civility does not mean surrendering your beliefs; it means engaging without hatred. Compassion does not mean weakness; it means strength enough to care. And common sense, though unfashionable in a world addicted to outrage, is precisely what is needed to solve our most pressing problems.
If we bring these values back into our homes, our workplaces, and our politics, we can begin to heal the divides.
The Larger Story
My book, A Lot of People Slept Here, is not just the story of one man’s life. It is a story of how values shape destiny. From the historic plantation grounds of my youth—land once tied to the very architects of America—to the federal offices where policy met real people’s lives, I saw how character and values matter more than wealth or privilege.
Civility, compassion, and common sense made my divided life whole and meaningful. They can do the same for America if we choose to live by them again.
A Call to Reclaim Our Better Selves
We are at a crossroads as a nation. The choice before us is simple: continue down a path of division, or remember the principles that once bound us together. My hope—for my children, my grandchildren, and yours—is that we choose the latter.
The values I was raised with are not outdated relics; they are timeless. Civility is the language of unity. Compassion is the heart of justice. Common sense is the compass of survival. Without them, we lose not only our civility, but our very humanity.
It’s time to bring them back.